Girls
by Goddess Char
Summary: Where the boys argue over who's girl is better, and then decide to ask the opinion of a not-so-reliable source. Rated T for language and descriptive dialogue.


**A/N:** _Hello again minna! Here's a short and funny Fairy Tail fic for ya! I would like to say thanks again for all the follows and reviews on my other fics, thank you so much, it warms my heart reading the comments, and I hope you like this story too! Please feel free to leave a review when you're done reading!_

 _Have an excellent day! :3_

* * *

 ** _Girls_**

"Lucy."

"Juvia."

"Lucy."

"Juvia."

" _Lucy._ "

" _Juvia._ "

Natsu pounded his fists onto the table, his respective fire magic swarming around his hands. " _Lucy,_ " he hissed to his fellow ice mage sitting across from him, eyes narrowed dangerously as he glared the other man down.

Cool air flowed around Gray as he stared daggers back at Natsu, slamming his fists onto the table as ice cackled in his hands. " _Juvia,_ " he barked back, his own onyx eyes peering into the Fire Dragon Slayer's soul.

Natsu cowered back and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back in the bench with a scowl. "Lucy is way better."

Gray rolled his eyes and held his face in one of his hands, his other hand beginning to tap on the table in an irritated manner. "Juvia's way better than Lucy."

Natsu shook his head. Here they were again, for the fourth day in a row now, arguing back and forth about who the better girl was out of Lucy and Juvia. It didn't take a genius to say Lucy was, because with her generous chest and wonderful curves and her flashy clothes that left little to the imagination...why was it hard for the ice mage to realize Lucy was much better? Sure Juvia had nice hips and an optimistic attitude that any willing man could take advantage of, but who cared about that, right? Natsu groaned low in his chest. He was tired of having this argument with Gray, and even more tired of disguising the conversation whenever the women in question or even Mirajane walked by. One way or another he would convince and show Gray that Lucy was the woman of all ladies.

And Gray...he was past annoyed. In his mind, Juvia was the best woman to ever live, like manna from heaven, and her nice hips and wonderful chest didn't even need to be exposed when she wore clothes for him to see that. If it took him the rest of his life to convince Natsu that Juvia could dominate over Lucy in any beauty pageant, then he'd willingly waste his life yelling at the pink-haired bastard. But over his dead body would he left Juvia be compared to the blonde and have her listed as "second best". No, he would convince and show Flame-brain that Juvia was better.

"You want me to prove to you how much a better and perfect woman Lucy is?" Natsu asked finally after a deadly silence had overcame the two. When Gray didn't say anything, he went on. "First off, she's got boobs. Nice, big, fresh ones, always glistening in the sunlight with her creamy lotion and begging me to fondle them. Secondly, have you seen her ass? It's wonderful and round and really plump, too. Lastly, she smells like all the wonderful perfume in the world bunched together in a single container. And to top it off, she's got the face of an angel."

Gray sighed heavily while his face was coated red as he tried to get the image of a very descriptive and hot looking Lucy out of his mind. "Please, Juvia tops all of Lucy's stats. Her boobs are better than Lucy's, and she keeps them looking extra large when she wears those certain dresses and outfits of hers. Secondly, _her hips are **perfect.**_ It's like she was sculpted from a statue and my god, whenever I look at those hips I can't even focus my mind. I'm especially drawn to them and _shit,_ especially when she's walking. The way she switches them left and right...Her legs period are the bomb. So perfectly shaped and with not the faintest traces of hair on them...Speaking of hair, her hair is a very pretty color, and it fits her. Also, her smile is radiant and to top it off, her face is hot enough to make the sun melt."

Natsu whipped his head away when a furious blush began forming in his cheeks as he tried to tune out the image of a sexy, posing Juvia in his mind. Even Gray, after having described everything he noticed and admired about the water mage, was blushing madly now and was covering his nose to prevent a powerful waterfall of blood to pour out. Natsu finally grimaced at him when he came to.

"Lucy is still better," he muttered, arms still crossed defiantly.

Gray growled. "No she's not, Juvia is."

"Lucy."

"Juvia."

"Lucy!"

"Juvia!"

" _Lucy!_ "

" _Juvia!_ "

Fortunately for the two Fairy Tail mages, the girls they were speaking of were currently on missions, with Lucy on a mission with Team Shadow Gear and Juvia on a mission with Lisanna.

"I'm telling you, bastard, it's Lucy!"

"Nothing you say will convince me otherwise. Juvia is a much better woman and you know it damn well!"

"Will I have to Fire Dragon Iron Fist your ass for you to get it through your head, Ice Princess?" Natsu asked.

"Will I have to stick an Ice Make: Lance in your skull for you to realize I'm right?" Gray threatened.

"Lucy's way better and you know it just as much as I do!" Natsu shouted, a lightning bolt of tension forming between the two.

"Juvia's twice as perfect as Lucy is," Gray growled back, ramming his own forehead into Natsu's so that they were right in each others face.

"How much you wanna bet Lucy can take a nude picture for the Weekly Sorcerer and it'll get one million copies sold?"

"How much you wanna bet Juvia can take a nude picture and the whole damn world will buy the issue?!"

"If I gotta leave a scorching mark in your brain for you to realize _Lucy is freaking sexy_ then I will _gladly_ do it!"

"If I gotta freeze the thing that makes you a man for you to understand _Juvia is a damn model_ then I will _without hesitation_ do it!"

"That's enough, 'ya bastards, enough with the arguing!" It was Gajeel talking now, and with a mighty punch to separate the two bickering boys he put a stop to their debate. Hands planted on his hips and his scary eyes glaring the two boys down, he asked in his loud voice: "What the hell are 'ya two idiots arguing about today? This is the damn fourth day in a row and it's getting annoying!"

Natsu spit a tooth onto the ground, feeling around his jaw as he quickly recovered from the punch. "Why don't you tell Ice Princess that Lucy is sexier, prettier, hotter, more powerful, and has a better body than Juvia for me?"

"That's not true, you know damn well that Juvia can wipe the floor with Lucy! Why don't you tell him, Gajeel, that Juvia is sexier, hotter, more kind, amazing, and a better cooker than Lucy for me?"

"Hey, Lucy can cook just as much as Juvia can, if not, more! 'Ya got that? Get your facts straight, bastard!"

"Lucy couldn't lift a pot even if she tried. Juvia on the other hand, has made hundreds of Bentos for me in the past months that I've known her. The woman even has her whole dorm room full of plush dolls of me that _she_ made herself for crying out loud!"

"Both of you shut the hell up!" Gajeel bellowed, blocking the punch from both boys as they tried to smack one another. "Now I don't know what the hell is the matter with you to but I don't like it! Master says you better shut up or he'll make you clean the pool! Now, for the last time, what the hell are you two idiots arguing about today?"

"It's Lucy..." Natsu whispered.

"It's Juvia..." Gray mumbled.

"Gajeel, TELL HIM SHE'S BETTER THAN HER!" Both boys cried in unison to the Iron Dragon Slayer.

Gajeel stared blankly at the two men before realization washed over him and he burst into an uproar of laughter, the sound of his chuckles a mixture of a witch cackling and a werewolf howling. He slapped his hands on his thighs and held his sides as he laughed his ass off, before both Gray and Natsu nearly punched him to get him to come to his senses.

"What's so funny?" Natsu questioned angrily.

"Why are you laughing?" Gray inquired ominously.

Gajeel swiped at a tear and smirked evilly. "I find it hilarious that you two think that Lucy or Juvia could be the prettiest women in the world...HAHAHA...you two are idiots! It's pretty obvious Levy is the hottest chick to ever live!"

Gray and Natsu's jaws collapsed to the floor simultaneously in surprise. "Levy?" Sure, the blunette was pretty but did she have a flattering chest, legs carved from marble, an angel's face, and a curvy figure? No, not really, a little, and no. Plus, she was short and if kissing was going to be necessary in the future, then that would be a problem. "You think Levy is prettier than _both_ Lucy _and_ Juvia?"

"Oh, of course!" Gajeel answered joyously, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he continued laughing. "Well, she might not have a chest as big as the others, but have you seen her hips and ass? The thing's so big it could fit my TV screen...ooh, and in high-def too! _That_ I would pay to _see!_ Damn it, I need to go buy an HD TV now and tell her to film herself so I can watch it on HD! Oh, but 3D would look even better too... _H_ _oly shit, in 3D it'll be like I can **grab** her ass!"_ Drool fell from the corner of Gajeel's mouth as he lusted over Levy's ass, with Gray and Natsu watching him in disbelief.

"Juvia is way damn better!" Gray cursed.

"Blondes are always better then blunettes!" Natsu hollered.

"The smartest girl is always the better one at everything!" Gajeel added.

All three men rammed their foreheads into each other, the lightning bolt of tension coursing through them, shouting out their respective girl's names. "It's Levy!"

"I'm telling you it's Juvia!"

"Jackasses, you know it's Lucy!"

" _NO!_ " they screamed at each other.

Natsu growled in displeasure and bared his sharp teeth offensively. "Fine, you jackasses want to be in denial because your girls are nothing compared to my Lucy? Then why don't we ask for the opinion of a reliable source, eh?"

Gray clenched his fists at his sides, his lips upturned in a despicable frown. "Fine by me."

"You better not ask someone who has a biased opinion," Gajeel muttered, crossing his toned arms as he glared at the other two.

Natsu didn't respond and instead shifted his eyes around the guild, studying everyone before he stopped at a certain lonely blonde-haired mage. "Laxus!" the Fire Dragon Slayer shouted, before leaping from table to table until he was in front of the silent man, Gray and Gajeel following behind him.

Laxus opened an eye, his body leaned back limply in a chair with his left leg crossed over his right and his thick coat draped over his shoulders. Upon seeing his three guild mates, the man frowned and reluctantly sat up right, meaning to Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel that he was paying attention now.

"What do you guys want with me?" Laxus questioned coldly, a speck of a lightning bolt racing around his hair.

"We need your help," the ice mage, pink-haired man, and Iron Dragon Slayer chorused unintentionally.

"Oh yeah? With what? I got better things to do."

"No." Natsu put his hand up when it seemed as though the Lightning Dragon Slayer was about to get up and leave, so Laxus observed him before sitting back down. "We need your opinion on something."

"No, you are not the strongest mage in this guild, Natsu," Laxus replied. "End of story."

"I wasn't going to ask that!"

"Then what is it?"

Natsu exhaled while Gray and Gajeel opened their mouths and said together with Natsu, "Who do you think is the best out of Levy, Lucy, and Juvia?"

The question came from nowhere and Laxus was puzzled at first until understanding overcame over him. He suddenly smirked deviously and chuckled naughtily, glancing at a certain cheerful Takeover mage cleaning out a cup at the bar before turning his attention back to the boys in front of him. "You childish idiots, neither of the girls you listed are the best."

" _Huh?_ "

"I thought everyone knew this, but I guess not. Anyway, Mira is the best." And Laxus smiled, an unusual sight.

Steam rose from the heads of the questioning men until they collapsed heavily to the floor in defeat. "Mira..." The woman was a model, a beauty queen, had an extremely generous and blinding chest, was very beautiful, and she was also really strong. Juvia, Lucy, and Levy couldn't even begin to compare to the model, and Gray, Natsu, and Gajeel knew it.

Laxus chuckled heartily, his shoulders bouncing up and down with each breath. "Yep, Mira is the best. The best thing about her are the best things about Lucy, Juvia, and Levy. She's got nice boobs, a wonderful ass, and great legs. Your girls only _want_ to be her."

"Mira..." Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel whispered. Suddenly, the image of Mirajane posing in a page of the Weekly Sorcerer wearing a skimpy piece of lingerie flooded their minds, and blood gushed out of their noses as they passed out.

* * *

 **Boom! Done!**

 **This came to mind just randomly one day when I was typing "Slumber Party Madness", so I decided to turn it into a fic because before I knew it, many ideas were swarming in my head about what I could do with this. Lol. And the comments about Lucy, Juvia, and Levy, I meant no insults to either of them, when I was talking about them I was basically listing what Gray, Natsu, and Gajeel respectively thought of them. Seeing that they like different women, I would think that they would think little of the others because they would automatically assume their girl was "the best", even though they are guild mates. And that's another thing, I didn't want them to directly say that "blah is uglier than blah" because I know that as guild mates and comrades they respect each other and to call each other ugly would probably be something they wouldn't normally do. (I think, however, in the anime and probably the manga too, Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel probably call each other ugly and stuff but I'm not entirely sure. xD)**

 **Oh, and I never clearly said that Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel were dating Lucy, Juvia, or Levy at all during this fic; they were just randomly listing off what they liked about the women and why. But if you would like to think that they were dating to make the story more appealing, then go right ahead.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this just as much as I loved writing it! Please leave me a review so I can know what you thought about this. Have a wonderful day today! X3**


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